Brexit Backlash and Balkan Boggarts: Is Wizarding Europe on the Brink?

By Barnaby Bumble, Political Correspondent

Never has the wizarding world felt so… divided. Since Britain’s rather messy (and, let’s be honest, utterly chaotic) ‘Wiz-it’ from the International Confederation of Wizards (ICW), tensions have been simmering like Snape’s cauldron during a particularly disastrous potions lesson. The Ministry of Magic, currently under the rather enthusiastic leadership of Minister Kingsley Shacklebolt, assures us all is well. But is it, really?

The fallout from Wiz-it continues to plague trade agreements. Gringotts, predictably, is making a killing on exchange rates, charging exorbitant fees to those attempting to import Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder (essential for any self-respecting prankster, I might add). Madame Rosmerta, bless her soul, is reportedly struggling to import butterbeer ingredients from Bavaria, claiming tariffs are higher than a Hippogriff on a particularly good hair day.

But the real concern lies east. The ‘Balkan Boggart Crisis’ – as I’ve christened it – threatens to destabilize the entire region. Rumours abound of rogue dark wizards, emboldened by the ICW’s seeming paralysis, stirring up ancient rivalries between Transylvanian trolls and Bulgarian Blast-Ended Skrewts (a combination nobody wants to witness, trust me). Cornelius Fudge, surprisingly resurrected through questionable means (don’t ask), has been offering “expert” commentary on the situation from his padded cell in St. Mungo’s, which, frankly, is less than reassuring.

Meanwhile, relations between Hogwarts and Durmstrang remain frosty, with Viktor Krum (now a rather portly Quidditch commentator) publicly accusing Hogwarts of ‘cultural appropriation’ due to their increasing popularity of Firewhiskey, a drink traditionally enjoyed in Durmstrang. Personally, I think he’s just jealous of Harry Potter’s continued fame. Though, even Potter himself looked concerned when last spotted in Diagon Alley buying enough emergency portkeys to evacuate the entire Weasley family to Fiji.

The ICW, led by the increasingly exasperated-looking Chief Warlock, refuses to comment beyond issuing bland statements about the importance of ‘international magical cooperation.’ It’s difficult to cooperate when everyone’s pointing wands at each other, though, isn’t it? Perhaps they should invest in a few more peace envoys and a lot less paperwork. Preferably envoys who can actually speak Parseltongue, just in case Voldemort makes another unwelcome appearance (one can never be too careful).

So, is wizarding Europe on the brink? I certainly hope not. But unless our leaders start taking these escalating conflicts seriously, we might all find ourselves wishing we’d invested in a good invisibility cloak and a sturdy portkey… to anywhere but here.